Snakes

[Life]

The people who you think are not capable of hurting a fly are usually the ones master minding holocausts of friendships. No one really says what they mean. They say enough to keep you aloof; interested. Enough to keep you wanting to know more about them and keep an air of mystery. They are all these roatating manipulated images. Not even real enough to touch. Just being around them becomes this battle for survival. Like playing a game, "who will be infected next?" One game, that I definitely will not enjoy. I would not enjoy becoming false images of understanding and compassion and companionship. I would rather be REAL about it. There is not a situation in life that will be presented to you and be lovely 100% of the time. But enjoying that 80% makes dealing with the 20% of bullshit worth it. 

[LOVE]

...Love is a feeling. an emotion that causes people to display their affection. It is just a feeling just like being happy or upset or jealous. It can be controlled. & people seem to forget that. myself included. I always seem to get myself carried away. constantly trying to display how much I fuck with you out for everyone to scrutinize and give useless, non solicited opinions on. Love or the idea of love drives people fuckin crazy though. Values that were installed within you as a child become forgotten. Pride no longer is the driving force behind your decisions. It takes the backseat and says whaddup to your dignity and gives daps  to your self respect. One thing that I have learned when it comes to matters of the heart is just that; it is just matters of the heart. It should NOT grow to be matters of your mind, body, spirit, soul, ultimately eneveloping your life and crushing your sanity like this 16 foot anaconda I saw the other the day at the aquarium. It should be contained. Yeah it sucks when what you had in mind will never be a reality, but at the same time with each failure there's this one success waiting for you to celebrate with you.

keep it movin shawty

[Bathtub Confessions]

.. I found that people are most honest when you take away their swag; their crutch that reinforces all of the bullshit they feed people on the reg. imagine sitting in a bathtub and having life discussions. how much clarity can you ask for? as I sat in the bathtub I came to one realization, people are fucking weird. Many can claim to be your friend but no one keeps in touch just bc. you can be at a party and say whaddup and have like five of your homies look at you like you're a mystical creature from Harry Potter and shit. Same people who smile in your face are the same ones dating the once upon a  time love of your life behind your back or show up one day on your doorstep recanting stories told by THEM about YOU to make THEMSELVES look better than YOU. Same people who buy outfits everyday trying to impress YOU when in reality you could care less about what THEY have on. Same people who cried when they thought their world was coming down on them tenfold are the same ones kicking dirt on you while you're down. Then theres a situation when YOU come to realize that YOU dont want to go out of YOUR way to look for people who don't and are blatantly not giving a shit about you. Once you start doing that everyone starts thinking you're selfish or self absorbed and don't take a minute to get to the root of your self inflicted isolation. Why? Because THEY dont care and that indirectly reinforces why YOU DONT GIVE A FUCK EITHER. Funny how that works.

Growing Pains

It's been a while. But I feel the need to write a few of my thoughts down. My mind is always racing; racing at this uncontrollable speed. It's this constant fast paced slide show of the same shit. I see the same faces, old and new. I see the same problems, old and new. & I see myself slowly drifting away from whats real and into this constructed shelter. & there I am. In this little cocoon rocking back and forth, trying to keep up with this fucking slide show, trying to slow it down and edit the bad and insert positivity. The theme for my life simply comes down to the word "Transitory". Everything and everyone is transitory. I am always moving and drifting; almost floating through life like those astronauts twirling mid air in their space ships. People come and go and I handle it the same way every time; I bury it. I have grown and have progressed and have realized shit that most people spend their lives trying to find and will most likely die looking for. When it comes to people I omit this invisible "you will never get close to me" aura. & I never realize it. I sit and laugh and create and work and fight and argue and run and run and run and still end up rocking myself back and forth in my little safe cocoon. & you know, maybe I don't want to be in my cocoon anymore. Maybe I want to spread my wings and open my eyes, heart, mind and soul to the idea that this feeling of safety and security is false and constructed and wrong and keeping me from being free. How do I grow when the minerals and nutrients needed to nurture my progression are being poisoned and manipulated by me? Running in fucking circles man.