Growing Pains

It's been a while. But I feel the need to write a few of my thoughts down. My mind is always racing; racing at this uncontrollable speed. It's this constant fast paced slide show of the same shit. I see the same faces, old and new. I see the same problems, old and new. & I see myself slowly drifting away from whats real and into this constructed shelter. & there I am. In this little cocoon rocking back and forth, trying to keep up with this fucking slide show, trying to slow it down and edit the bad and insert positivity. The theme for my life simply comes down to the word "Transitory". Everything and everyone is transitory. I am always moving and drifting; almost floating through life like those astronauts twirling mid air in their space ships. People come and go and I handle it the same way every time; I bury it. I have grown and have progressed and have realized shit that most people spend their lives trying to find and will most likely die looking for. When it comes to people I omit this invisible "you will never get close to me" aura. & I never realize it. I sit and laugh and create and work and fight and argue and run and run and run and still end up rocking myself back and forth in my little safe cocoon. & you know, maybe I don't want to be in my cocoon anymore. Maybe I want to spread my wings and open my eyes, heart, mind and soul to the idea that this feeling of safety and security is false and constructed and wrong and keeping me from being free. How do I grow when the minerals and nutrients needed to nurture my progression are being poisoned and manipulated by me? Running in fucking circles man.